one last disguise

Had a nice long nap today… probably couldn’t sleep if I tried…

Actually… I could go to sleep without trying. I just don’t want to.

Got off the phone with Ryan lil wile ago. That went well. Really well. Really nice conversation. Good to talk to him. Not much to talk about, but it’s ok. I tend to always feel like if something is wrong, that it’s my fault. Guess I need to… not think that…

It’s amazing when your brain shuts off… like mine is right now.

I guess I’m supposed to hang out with Josh tomorrow. I don’t know how that’s gonna work what with my crapload of crap to do… but I really should spend some time with him, since he’s my prom date and all. I’m getting the vibe that he likes me as more than a friend and I won’t lie… it’s making me uncomfortable.

I haven’t talked to Todd in a while… he said he’d message me someday… that day has yet to come… I wish I was busy like everyone else… hmmm.

Me and ryan’s conversations are really freaking platonic. I don’t know what it is I really want out of them, but… yeah. Like whenever I’m on the phone with Todd, he’ll talk about relationship type stuff. That never comes up with Ryan. Well it did, but it hasn’t lately. Actually we talked about that a lot, but not recently. Like the closest it’s gotten was when he was talking about messing with one of my pictures in photoshop and how he couldn’t take his eyes off it. Actually that’s pretty non-platonic as phone conversations go… huh. Well I guess I’m worried about nothing.

I wish I could make sense right now… Not possible at two in the morning I do believe.

Kinda hungry… nope not going to do anything about that.

I don’t know why I’m feeling depressed right now. I wish I knew what to do about it. Frusturating.

Is this what you call the mean reds?

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