she goes down like the setting sun

Well, here I am.

12... almost 1 on a Sunday morning/saturday night. Supposed to be reading for philosophy, but... yeah I start being stupid around 11 usually, so smartnesswise, it's all downhill from that point on.

Yep... haven't called Ryan. I am so freaking scared to though... I don't know why. I really want to call him and whatever, but I can't! There's some sort of barrier, I don't know what it is, maybe it has something to do with the time I tried to call him and it ended in a big clump of awkward.

I don' t knoooooowww!! It's all so frusturating.

Sort of got asked to vespers by Michael. Yeah idk, it was kind of wierd. He texted me and told me to tell Jen he "bought the hats" (hahah he bought these two hats that look like the one that South African dance instructor has... pretty sure he's michaels's hero.) So I was like "way to talk to Jen through me." Then he was all "I'm sorry! Do you want to go to vespers with me?" I think he used the word "escort" but... that word wierds me out. So I was like "Yes but can we bring Jen?" It was supposed to be funny, but he didn't really get it which kind of dissappointed us.

So ANYWAY, we went to Vespers and ran into Chris, so Jen and I promptly started giving each other a hard time about the boys... pretty funny. She SAYS she doesn't like Chris, but... yeah I don't know, she probably doesn't. I think he likes her though and they're always talking about me and Michael.

I don't know if I want to go out with him now/later/ever or what. He's really cool and I've kind of had a crush on him for a while, but I kind of like all of us hanging out. At least for now. I dunno, I think I get slightly wierded out by guys being all proper and shit. Is that bad? It might be. Guys holding doors open makes me uncomfortable kind of. Well not necessarily them holding open doors, but that kind of thing. I guess I just don't like being fawned over too much. Like once in a while is nice, but a steady diet and it stops meaning as much.

I think I'm just really immature.

And I think I want to call ryan right now. But I'm not going to. But I should. Because I think he's still up. But I don't KNOW that, so I'm not going to. But I'll call him tomorrow before the thing.

yeah there's some symphony orchestra thing going on at 7 somehting tomorrow that Michael asked me to go to. I'm thinking about it if I'm not still swamped with homework. I like going to musical events. Especially when there's convo credit and acne infested band geeks who love the office as much as I do involved :]

I miss talking to Ryan.

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15 steps, then a sheer drop

yay blog entry!

I honestly don't know why I can't keep this freaking thing up. Tried to make an entry last night and failed miserably. I couldn't even keep focused enough to write one paragraph. hah whatever though.

It took me sooooo long to finally rid myself of Todd. Freaking redic (Let's say freaking one more time.........................freakin'... right) hahahaah tired. But yeah, I had to write this letter that explained how I'm still trying to get my life together and whatever and how it wouldn't be healthy for either one of us to spend time together like... alone. Seriously though, what's the point? I have no desire to ever.... EVER go out with him again, and he really needs to find a girlfriend from what I hear him say. He's all "I hate being single, it blows so hard!!!!!!!" to Sarah all the time, and he used to be like that to me, but I must have done something to make him stop or whatever.

Wheellll... enough bitching on THAT subject.

I'm taking some sweet classes this semester. Philosophy is fuuuuuunnn.... need to read for that soon. I'm so excited about photography, even though my pictures didn't exactly turn out amazing this time around. Whatever though, I'm hopefull for the next go-round. Developing film is such a rush! When I'm doing it, I always want to do it exactly right since I spent so much time actually taking the pictures. Whatever, it's fun.

I went swing dancing for the first time this weekend. It was sooo awesome! Jen and I went with Michael and Chris and Michael's sister. I forget her name, but she was in my writing for the media class. She's a really, really good dancer. Chris wasn't going to dance at first, but he ended up dancing.... twice. Hahah, he and Jen are soooo much alike at times. Redic. They would make the cutest couple ever. So I ended up dancing with Michael (a lot. He's pretty good. He taught me a lot of twirls and dips and whatnot), some guy Michael knows from Orchestra, Chris, Jen and then this dance instructor dude with a sweet british-y accent. He was really good and taught me the cha-cha, which I have promptly forgotten. But he was really cool. Hahahah unfortunately, I wore this full skirt, so I guess one time my underwear became apparent and Jen of course cracked up majorly. I'm kind of an idiot but it was the twirliest skirt I have so... haha well... I guess I'll know better next time.

So yeah, that was fun.

Sarah and Brittany came up to SEYC this weekend too. Sarah stayed in our room which was cool. I really miss her. I hope I can keep my sanity the rest of this semester.

Ryan and Deanna broke uppppp!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!! I'm calling him later today, which will mark about the second time we have talked on the phone since I got here. RAWR!!! I miss talking to him too. I may be able to do more of that now that he's not with her. Not that that was really the thing stopping me from talking to him anyway.... whatever, I'm really nervous about calling him for some reason. I am the biggest wimp.... EVER.

And I miss Colby.

And Matt.

And Mom.

And Jennifer.

And my bed.

I feel so alone and separated from everything. I hate it so much. And what's worse is I don't know whose fault it is.

Well I think I'm all typed out for now.

I'll try to be better about writing more regularly. It should be pretty easy. hahahahaha.... ahhh man.

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