put down your sword and crown, come lay with me on the ground

OH....MAN, YOU GUYS.

BEST.... CAMPMEETING......EVER.

Sooo yeah, finally got that peek inside Ben's head I was hoping to get.

He likes meeee, I like hiiimmm... mad awesome untill ya throw in another year at Southern and him not wanting to stay in Maine. Buuut I'm gonna go ahead and not think about that.

Because this is in God's hands.

Anyway, we've kind of decided that we're doing the "just friends" thing even though there's clearly more to it. At least there won't be any technical strings. Pretty sure we're both really into each other.......yaayyyyyy!!!!fjdsklfjdsklfjsdYYAAAAYYY!!!

This girl from Southern I guess was kinda wanting to hang out with him the last night of campmeeting but he was just like "I don't know a better way to say this, but I'm gonna hang out with Amanda instead." Prom queen all over again... muahahaha.

Also, we're... I guess you'd call it making out. It's got all the making-outness of making out but without actual mouth on mouth kissing. Kinda like that Regina Spektor song (that time). Whatever it is... I can dig it. It's really nice because it feels so good and innocent and just... honest I guess... I don't know why I chose that word to describe it, but that's what it is.

Now I wish he would facebook me back...
{hello insanity, it's been a while! Hope you haven't missed me coz I certainly have enjoyed not missing you}

It's only a very little bit wierd that there's like zero PDA. We were holding hands during a prayer at church and he squeezed my hand at one point and my knees pretty much gave out. I'm so glad that little things like that can still get me going, because honestly, I feel like a lot of that died with my dating Donnie.

I'm trying really hard to not get too wrapped up in this whole situation, but as you can see, it's been a bit of a loosing battle. I pray about it and God takes it away, but it always ends up sneaking back in and then I check Facebook again for the millionth time. I need to focus on getting it together with God. I'm thinking about musical devotions... awesome...

Jen's been warning me about not getting too involved because of how upset I'll be at the end of the year... I'd rather spend a few nights crying my eyes out than let this thing go. Besides, it's too late for stopping anyway.

We both fit in the same sleeping bag.

I must become a lion-hearted girl, ready for a fight

Ohhh sooo happyy!!! Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel vis a vis my internship!!! FINALLYY!!!! Oh man I was getting a lot anxious. Still not quiiiite sure when things FOR REAL get going, but at least the papers are in the hands of people and emails are sent and blah blah blah blah YAAAYYYYYY oh man.

Goodbye tons of free time. A part of me shall miss you dearly.

And part of me shall rejoice at your leaving.

Sooo, I hate that I'm paranoid to write stuff in here now... I don't know why, but I'm really afraid someone is going to read this who shouldn't be reading this and.... ohh whatever, like I said, whoever finds this probably deserves to read it. .

Massive crush on Ben is a go.

yaaaaaaaaayyyyyy.

aaaahhhh I WISH I KNEW WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS HEAAADDD.

facepalm.

Also I seem to have a lot of like... circling vultures for lack of a better word. Is very hard to be friends without making people think about the possibility of more. Which is kind of what I'm afraid is going on in the Ben situation. Like maybe I'M a circling vulture.

OH NOOOOOOO!!!!

No good.

Well if that's the case, then I really wish he'd stop agreeing to hang out and being all excited about it and talking me into staying at campmeeting and asking me to help decorate his potential bus-dwelling and talking about SWING DANCING (!!!!!!!!!) with me sometime and being so win in general ............JFRIOERUIFJRAAARRRRRRR.

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS IS ALL ME?? WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYYY???

I wanna sink my claws in... in a non-bitchy sort of way.... in a "please don't go!" kind of way. Wich, I know, sounds super desperate. Which is not at all what I am.

There! I'm not desperate. I just see a good thing and don't want to pass him up without a fight. Normal!

Wish I actually felt normal.