you're shouting so loud you barely joyous, broken thing

Sooo…

What’s new…

I have a job now. It’s kinda nice to know I’ll be getting money in the mail someday. I’m working at the same Rite Aid Tanya works at in Winthrop. Everyone in there is really nice, but some of the managers scare me with their insensitive ways. I always have the feeling that I’m doing something really, really wrong or that they’re going to be like “You’re a total idiot, please leave” or something like that. Iiii don’t know. Hopefully all works out well. I’ve worked three times. The people whose names I remember are:

Danielle. I met her the first day. She seems really nice, but the second time I worked with her she didn’t really talk to me much. I think I may have weirded her out the first day. Whaaatever.

Buddy. Super nice manager dude. Very friendly and helpful. I wish he was the only mananger there, but I can’t have everything it seems.

Deb. One of the other managers. The first day of work, she told me that what I was wearing was totally inappropriate. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Pam. Flat affect manager who smokes like crazy. She always seems to be out smoking when I need her to take money out of my register. Annoying.

And finally, Ben. He’s right up there with buddy. I feel kind of bad because I’m always asking him how to do stuff. Very talkative and friendly. He has a facebook and I’m really tempted to try and add him as a friend, but I don’t know how appropriate that would be at this time. The first day I met him, he said my voice was familiar and I kept feeling like I’d seen him somewhere too but neither of us could figure out how we know each other. I was like “Maybe we knew each other in another life” which launched him into an Ehrin-esque discussion of the existence of souls. Yesssssss!!

There were three other people I met the first day but I don’t remember their names.

So what else is new….

Still haven’t hung out with Josh. Barely have even talked to him since prom. I keep hearing that he’s all “Oh it’s so obvious she likes me” which has caused me to back off and scare him for a bit. Keep him guessing. I am not so easily won.

I sort of thought he would call today. Nope.

Told Ryan I knew about him and Sarah thinking about going out next year. I guess he’s having second thoughts though interestingly enough. I really don’t care what they do to be quite honest. I think it would be nice if Sarah could have a good boyfriend like him. Whatever I guess… I think he’s gotten to see a bit of the side of Sarah that I only see. He seemed to feel obligated to tell me that he used to like me but that it was “only an infatuation… but a nice one.” Thank you for that purposeless data. Just what I needed.

Senior skip day was Friday!! It was a ton of fun. Danielle, Allison, Alyssa and I all went to Popham, and then the shops at Wiscasset. We visited Daddy’s shop and he bought us all ice cream which was really nice of him. I wish he could be cool like that all the time.

Well it’s 1:30 and I’m going to church with Alex in the morning. I will def. be churched out by the time the week is up.

Goodnight love.

blacks and greys, dapples and bays, coach and six little horses

Soooo… prom

WAS BLOODY AMAZING!!

I got prom queen!! Oh yes indeedy!

I had a marvy time dancing and so forth.

Just really, insanely fun.

And I kind of think I like him…

But I don’t know.

There’s a good chance.

I really don’t want a boyfriend now. Or here.

But I would enjoy hanging out and so forth with him.

Hoping he feels the same way.

Iiiiiiiidunno.

I sort of feel like this has all been brought on by the romance of prom, and if that’s the case I don’t want to be unfair to anyone (myself included) by going out with him. I don’t know. And I feel like because I don’t know, it’s not meant to work out. We’ll see.

Colin and Alex are going out. They make me giggle.

But anyways, that’s what’s new! Joy unbounded.

♥

one last tender lie and then I'm outta this place

Hmmm…

Well, let’s see.

Prom is this weekend and I’ve hung out with Josh a total of one times. That day at Dennis’.

I was supposed to get together with him today, but I missed his call at noon. I don’t really know why I’m upset. Probably because I thought I was gonna be all busy but never was in reality. Grrrr.

Did the solo last night. It sucked kinda, but that was to be expected, and I did the best I could with what I have, sooo… screw you.

It is SO NICE OOOUUUUTTT!!! Happiness!!

Finally talked to Todd last night via AIM. It was nice. I’m really frustrated by the conflicting stories I keep getting from people. He was saying how Sarah gets upset that I talk to people down there and says stuff like that I’m trying to steal her friends or whatever, and that Ryan is all “yeah, Amanda’s crazy, she’s never met me and is in love with me.” Lies. All lies. But I have to remember that Todd and Ryan are not exactly the best of friends, and from what I hear Sarah say, Todd can be a bit of a suck up.

SPEAKING of Sarah, I guess her and Ryan are going to be going out when they get back to Southern this fall, or something to that effect. Would have been nice for her to tell me that A LOONG TIME AGO. Actually I wish she would have told me she liked him when she actually started to like him.

You know what?? I really don’t like any of them at the moment.

I cracked up though, because one of my myspace pictures is a picture that Ryan edited. It’s me in black n white with apple green eyes. Pretty sweet. Last night, Todd took the same picture but gave me purple eyes. And it’s not in black n white. HAH. Oh man I lost it.

Why can’t everyone give up and be one-faced? {I include myself in that lot for the record}

Have a nice life

♥

sorrow is pleasure when you want it instead

What an intense week! Yay for intensisnosisosityyyy!!!

Sunday I found out about a job opening at the Rite Aid where Tanya works and it looks like I could be working there this summer! I’m pretty excited!!

I’ve been hanging out with Josh quite a lot (ish) this week. Well more than normal. He’s pretty cool, but his love for me remains unrequited unfortunately. Makes me feel bad, but I keep reminding myself that he went into this knowing that we were going AS…FRIENDS.
He tried to call me on my cell phone (bad plan) Sunday, but by the time I saw that he had called me it was like nine at night, so I didn’t do anything about it. Monday morning I had the (mis)fortune to run into his mom the librarian and she’s all “Josh tried calling you five times last night!!”
“Oh man, really?” (five times my ass.) “He should have tried my house, I have no cell reception where I live.”
“I don’t think he has your house number, you should give it to him!!” (I swear, she is THE LOUDEST librarian I have ever met)
“Ok I’ll tell him.”
Five seconds after that I realized that I had in fact already given Josh both of my phone numbers… wow.

I told him about that conversation the next day and he goes “My mom needs to shut up.” It made me laugh.

So Tuesday I ended up going to one of Josh’s baseball games and dragging Jen along with me, so I wouldn’t have to sit awkwardly alone (sound familiar?) He went up to bat once and got out like right after, but gahdnah won 10 zip, so it was good. I texted Todd to fill in the time, but when I did, he goes “Who’s this?” Needless to say, I was greatly saddened/pissed. After I told him who I was he said to call him, aaaaand… I still haven’t. I need to. I think I will tomorrow night or something. Josh didn’t come out and say hi after, so Jen and I left after waiting for about 20 min. We went to Dunkin’ Donuts and of course who should be working there but Mike Maxwell (faintttt). And so then we went back to Jen’s house and sat in her driveway for like a half hour talking. By that time I had to go get Erica and Celeste from Drama. Got home and Josh had called (my house finally) and we talked for a while. He kept hinting around that he liked me and said something about how he knew I didn’t like him, and that was kinda awkward, but I played it cool. So that was the long and short of THAT day.

Wednesday I found out I got the (INSANELY HIGH) solo part for the band/chorus concert. Andrea spent most of chorus in the bathroom crying, but not until later did I find out that it was because John Sawyer was singing for Baccalaureate and not coz of the solo. Good to know, good to know.

Thursday I went out to eat with Josh at Dennis’ (where else?) It went well. I was worried it would be super awkward, but it wasn’t at all. He told me about how he’s ordering me a corsage from somewhere exotic and I’m kind of excited about that. He really is a nice boy. I really feel bad that I don’t like him like, but I just… don’t. Then we came back and I chatted it up with Alex and her prom date Colin (whom I set her up with!! So proud of me!) They are such a cute couple. And what’s cool is they both like each other too. It’s soo cool. And Colin’s really a nice guy. They were meant for each other.

Friday was completely uneventful.

Aaaand today, I went over to hang out with Sarah. We made pumpkin cookies and watched Children of Men (AMAZINGGGG MOVIEEEE!!!) So it was good. Things are still a little funky, but getting better, most def.

Kind of hoping todd will come back from being away so I can finally say hi. I had this weird epiphany the other day about him. I was on his myspace and he’s got all these scene girls on there like “Oooh you have such a beautiful voice!! I know all the lyrics to your songs!! I want to have your childrennnn!!” Shit like that. And I realized that I probably mean as much to him as they do. Which saddens me greatly. I am just another scene girl to him… even though I’m not scene. Maybe it’s not true, but that’s what it feels like. Maybe it’s pointless to pursue him now. Ehhh… I really don’t care much. He was fun to talk to, but if that’s not going to work out… c’est la vie.

Well I feel like this entry is needlessly long, so I’m going to find some other internet related thing to do now.

Stay cool, rock on.

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