I'd turn some records with you. If you asked me to.

Man.

I've got like... eighth grade, I-love-all-dem-boys syndrome.

It changes... WEEKLY. What the crap!

Also, I've pretty much lost the ability to do anything productive. I mean I'll study tonight, but after that... it's all downhill. Rough.

BREAK! TAKE ME AWAYYYY!!!

:(

It feels as though boy-chasing is pretty much an exercise in futility at this point since I'm gone in t-67 days. Possibly never to return. I mean things could happen I suppose, but the chances are not good. (HOWEVER... if things go as planned... I might be seeing him four days a week instead of three!... yeah, this needs to stop).

But let's face it, none of this is going to keep me from trying. Not these facts, not past experience... yeah not much. But we can hope. That nothing bad happens.

What good is a heart if not for breaking?

I just really... REALLY have to give this to God because... I don't know what's good for me, I really don't. I have a hard enough time getting adequate nutrition and exercising. And remembering to wash my face before I go to bed and... being professional in general.

I'M STILL A CHILD!! I'M A WOMAN-CHILD!!! WHAT IS THIS?!?!

How did I miss this? How did I forget to grow up?

I really just... I really want to tell him. Honestly, what have I got to lose?

Gaaaah I can't do that. I really need to not make things weirder than they already may be.

FRICK!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Maybe we will never know.

If I find her I swear, I swear I'll kill her.

Well, another one bites the dust...

At least for now.

Talked to dude last night and he was all telling me about how he asked some chick for her number so they could go get coffee sometime... What the hell! Who does that? And by that I mean tell me about some other girl?

Well anyway, yeah that ended before it even started.

But I can't feel like that though, because I mean... there was nothing there to begin with. Really.

I was talking to Celeste tonight, and it's always been sort of the plan to go live with her when she goes to college. We'd get an apartment together and she'd go to school and I'd work and we'd just be a happy family etc. etc.

But this really doesn't leave me much room for a boy... I mean it could, but all I feel like I can see is just miles and miles of man-free road straight, dead ahead. And it's friggin' depressing.

Why does it feel like nothing good works out? Blarg.

There are so many little pieces that have to fit together JUUUST right (or at least right enough so that nobody cares about the parts that don't fit) for two people to be together.

I am really not happy today... This has been a really not happy day.

I am going to start exercising as of tomorrow. I have got to boost my morale somehow. AND STOP FUCKING WORRYING ABOUT BOYS. FUCK! It's so stupid!

MY HAPPINESS SHOULD NOT HINGE ON ME FINDING SOMEONE TO MARRY SLASH DATE.

I don't have time for this bullshit.

WOMAN POWER! HUZZAH!

whatever.

she said 'smoke your cigarette, I hope you choke'

First semester is DONE son!

Man I can hardly believe it.

So much has changed... it's been pretty fantastic actually.

Thinking about it now of course, not at the time.

Finally have Ben out of my system I think. Whatever's left is basically just smoldering embers of anger. At myself mostly.

I say that, I don't know how much I actually mean it.

School is swallowing me whole at the moment. 22 credit hours to finish and with God as my witness, I'M GOING TO DO IT!!!

This week has been pure merde. I am so exhausted right now... My own fault though, I keep staying up late to talk to Ehren online. I have GOT to get more sleep, it's really rather ridiculous. I'm hoping next week is more of a success (granted this has been our first full week of the semester, so hopefully I'll adjust soon.

I am doing a wonderful thing. I am doing a wonderful thing. I am doing a wonderful thing.

I've been writing music. Now just need to find a good way to record it and I'll be set. Hah. I really wish my computer came with a microphone. FAIL. Whatever.

Well as we all know, I'm not here to talk about school angst. I'm here coz I have BOY ISSUES!!!

Let the games begin.

Yeah... Some things I've realized (I would get things straightened out senior year. Faaaaail):

1.) It's a lot easier to get boys (at least the ones 'round these parts) to talk to you than I once thought. Really all you have to do is approach them first. I added this guy on Facebook and now we're pretty much Law & Ethics buddies. I asked this other guy on my NYC field trip (SUCH A GOOD TIME!!! Pretty much a mini renaissance for me) to go find food with me and now he's shooting me for a CD album project. Unfortunately, these aren't really guys I'm like SOOOPER interested in, but hey, I've got friends now. Friends who are boys. Woot.

2.) There are parts of life that are def. better without a boyfriend, however, the opposite is also true. GARGABLAAAARG.

3.) I think... even though I have some misgivings about this thought... that I need to not give my heart away so easily. Not that I have or did or anything, but I just... need to keep an eye on that... for sanity's sake. Even after... stuff, I still feel really ready to throw all of myself into someone again. Part of me is glad about that and part of me feels a little afraid

I know God's got a plan for me in the man department. There's a man in the plan... hahahaha.

Well... there better be anyway.

So basically... new boy on the scene...

Yeah, no way you didn't see that coming.

But, as fate would have it, he lives like ten hours away from here.

Friggin' typical, I tell ya.

But it's cool though, we text just about every day (well since Monday) and I mean it's not like groundbreaking stuff, just like "How was your day?" whatever. But it makes me happy. And maybe if I keep up, something cool will happen.

Well, maybe I'll talk about it more later, I need to do work now.

later, chickens.