we will never break the chain

Yo.

Not much new.

Except for Dad’s back is acting up.

Normally, things of this nature shouldn’t really affect the rest of the family’s life should it? I mean the occasional fetch-n-carry isn’t going to kill anyone. But this has escalated into something far, FAR worse than that. Since his back has been out, he’s spent almost a week of staying up all night MOANING to beat the band. I’m not talking about the occasional sigh o’ frustration; this is like an all night orgy. It’s CRAZY!!! The worst one a few nights ago ended with me having to drive down to the grandparent’s house to get some pain meds. That’s when Celeste found out Nana has a dental crown, and she happened to not be wearing it that night, and it kinda freaked her out. Luckily I was too distracted by Papa’s unbuttoned shirt to notice.

And besides that I’ve had to go to a bunch (well two, but believe me it feels like thousands) of shows with Dad to help him unpack. I don’t know how he does it. Antique shows have got to be the single most boring things on the planet. Well sitting an antique booth is anyways.

I’m such a whiner. Oh well, that timeo’themonth’ll do it to ya every time.

Speaking of which, I need to go find some Advil or something…

And some food…

I really wish Ehren would write me back. There’s been a huge lull and I’m getting bored. Josh hasn’t even written back yet. ?!?!??? .

The more I talk to Ehren the more I realize how much I miss him. Or at least having someone semi intelligent to talk to. I wish I wasn’t so drawn to the self-involved, philosophical types. ‘Tis life, I would imagine.

He wants one of my CDs. I can’t imagine why.

And that’s all she wrote.

xxx

Paging Dr. Kalvin, there's a nurse loose in the hospital

Hey.

Not much new going on, and by not much I mean NOTHING.

Sarah’s leaving soon. I wish I was her.

Matt won’t talk to us anymore. I try to be sociable and say hi, and I barely get a response. He’s lucky we look at him, the little bastard.

I’ve started writing Ehren again. I’ve decided not to tell anyone, cuz I know I’ll just get crap for it. It’s kinda nice. Like venting to a blog but actually getting constructive responses. And this time he’s not all talking about his girlfriend. Major plus.

We’re hopefully going on a boating thing tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t rain, and if it does, we will have already left.

I guess I’m going to see the devil wears prada tonight. Looking forward to it. I just hope we won’t run into Mike or someone similar.

Broke a date with Willie as the last entry will (not so clearly) demonstrate.

Aaannndd

I can’t think of anything else to say.

Soooooo

Bye.

xxx

Pity the ladies in waiting, pity the gentlemen too

Disclaimer:
Ok this entry isn’t going to make any coherent sense whatsoever. You’ve been warned.

Willie’s a nice guy, but I just have this really sick feeling about it. I don’t like him, I never have and there’s a freaking good chance I never will. I guess I should just send him the letter. But why am I feeling like I shouldn’t send it? I guess I’m worried he’ll be upset and spread nasty rumors about me. And why don’t I want to go out with him? He’s annoying and, yes I’m big enough to admit it, I don’t think he’s very hot. And even if he was hot, he’s too annoying to be attractive. He’s good friend material and if I hadn’t called this a date then there probably wouldn’t have been [as much of a] problem. I guess the main reason I’m feeling like I shouldn’t turn him down is because he’ll be upset and I really haven’t had anything excitingish happen yet this summer in the boy dept. BUT I NEVER LIKED HIM TO BEGIN WITH SO I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS WOULD BE EXCITING. Well besides the fact I could say I went on a date. But it doesn’t really count for much if I don’t like the guy. And who’s to say he’d be heartbroken? I doubt I’m the only one out there he could go out with. At least I hope I’m not. And as far as I’m concerned, I’d rather not go out with anyone than go out with someone I don’t like. It’s not fair to them, and what’s more, it’s not fair to me. Even if my head’s bleeding with boredom, I’d rather let it bleed than go against my morals. Or whatever.

Yep, sending the letter’s what I have to do. And I feel ok about it.

Geez I love online journals!

XXX times 1,000

You want everything to be just like the stories that you read but never write

Hey.

Definitely saw Pirates of the Caribbean II twice over this past week. Chyeah. Got my Johnny Depp fix for like… a while. The next one had better come out soon or I smell a lawsuit.

But so far, my fave is the first one. You can watch that one through and not be clawing your eyes out with anticipation by the time it’s over.

I kinda think it would be cool if Elizabeth and Jack hooked up. That would certainly be an unexpected turn in her taste in guys. But whatever, either way.

I kinda like that creepy rasta chick with the black teeth that’s in the second one. Even though she’s like totally repulsive. I wish I could talk the way she does. I dunno. I’m weird.

Yep, was getting rather frustrated with Sarah tonight. I love how she treats me like a complete idiot. I just took a deep breath and thought over and over “She’s leaving soon, just smile and pretend you’re deaf.” But I will undoubtedly be sad to see her go. Matt didn’t put in an appearance tonight. Hmmm. I wonder to myself if he is still upset that he found out the Cote’s don’t like him. Well that isn’t our fault. What-hever.

Ehhh…

I should go to bed, but that would be boring. Talking to myself is much more fun.

It is SOOO HOTTTT!!! CAN’T…TAKE…THE HEAT…

I should go to the gym tomorrow. Hah.

That’s all she wrote.

xxx

Dear Josh...

Hey.

I really wish I’d done this last night, back when emotions were running high and thoughts were clear and sharp as a razor blade. Yeah, you know I’m the BS master.

But I’m being serious now. Even if it is rather corny…

I went through so much last night. Sadness, anger, empathy, self-loathing, and more regret than is imaginable.

I thought I would be ok. I hardly ever cry. I usually only cry at stupid little things that mean nothing. Never anything important, like the death of relatives. But I saw Jen crying Saturday night, and I knew you two liked each other and how hard this must be for her. I went in after her and Sarah and gave her a hug and I just broke down. The realization that we would all never be together again like we were and the fact that I had lost my best guy friend just came crashing down on me. Sort of like an anvil in those Road Runner cartoons.

And the entire time, all I could think about was how mean to you I have been. How I should have taken more advantage of our time together after I found out you were leaving. And how much I wished I had cried before you left, just so you could see how much you meant to me. To everyone.

All I could think to say to you when you left was “Kick their butts.” How truly uncreative and SAD is that??!!?

The horrible part about it was that I felt like I had no call to cry over your leaving. Almost like I didn’t deserve to cry, or to have any emotion about it at all. Your dad kept going on about how I was the one that got away. That made me feel so guilty. I should have just repressed all that little brother bullshit and gone out with you. It probably would have been the best decision I ever could have made. But Jen probably deserves you waay more than I ever could. She was inconsolable last night. Erica cried too. She was upset that she wasn’t there that last Wednesday.

I guess what we all have to realize is that the past is in the past and we just have to make the best of whatever we have left.

What worries me more than anything is that you’ll forget us back here once you have all your new friends, and you’ll never want to come back and see us. Please don’t forget us up here all by ourselves. Soon it’ll only be the manning girls and…that’s it.

I really really REALLLLY hope you hate it down there. We all do.

Love, Amanda.

xxx

Nothin' from nothin' LEAVES nothin'.

Apathy is setting in…Yawn.

Arizona is coming today. They were supposed to come yesterday, but Aunt Bev allegedly had a gallbladder attack. Sounds painfull.

Made 60 bucks working for Sharon yesterday. YAY! Just in time for possible mall trips with the arriving relatives. Je suis une kitten de psyched.

I guess I’m going to be hanging out with Willie in the near future. If I haven’t said anything about him before, let me just say that he used to “stalk” me. Well I didn’t know who he was and he found my Xanga and started talking to me on IM and then he’d say like what I was wearing and I didn’t know who he was, soooo yeah. I ended up blocking him. I think he’s still blocked, but I don’t go on IM very much lately. I don’t really feel the need.

So anyways, I guess he’s kind of come around since then. I talked to him a lot this past year and he’s asked me out before, but I said I didn’t know him very well, so no. But then I realized I was all excited to go out with Matt whom I barely knew at all. So I decided since I’m a little bored (to say the least) that I ought to give Willie a chance.

Like I have said many, many times, I am freaking Mother Theresa.

No but seriously, Willie is a nice kid. And he actually likes me for me (as far as I can tell). Unlike Matt who only liked me for my voice.

But now… I must clean my room and do summer AP work.

Dood bye you baad bad putty tat.

xxx

We're goin' camping we're on our waaaayyy!!! Part Deux.

Well… Camp was… fun.

I guess.

But it kinda sucked, cuz Josh was all cozy like with Jen, and Matt was all cozy like with Erica (EEEEWWWW!!!) Good lord are they friggin’ BLIND???

I mean COME ON!! All Matt wants is a lil sumpin sumpin from Erica cuz Jen has finally seen the light, and Erica doesn’t get it. Even the thought of them doing ANYTHING together is repulsive. I mean Erica’s what…? Thirteen? And Matt’s what…? SEVENTEEN?????

Chyeah. ‘Swhat I thought. It’s grosssssss.

So for the most part it was all couple-y couple-y so Celeste, Sarah and I all had to kind of keep to ourselves, cuz the couple-y couples all wanted to be alone. It’s SOOOooooOOOOoooo STUPID!

And I hate to say this, but I really just can’t stand being around Erica any more. It’s hard to put my finger on exactly why. I guess it’s just the little things, like doing that sex moaning for no apparent reason, not even to be funny, and waving her abnormally large boobs around (i.e. standing so close that they’re touching your arm.) And THEN there’s the uber annoying fake laugh that is far too common with her. And that’s just the explainable reasons. You’d have to know her to understand.

In other news…

Went to the beach today with Sarah and Celeste. It was very exciting. We got lost twice, but I was very proud of myself for not freaking out, even when my breaks almost wouldn’t work. Just enough stress to keep it exciting. But the weather was perfect and… it was just a really nice day. I still don’t have much of a tan. Must keep working at it.

Need to start working on summer work and my concert shpiel thing. Yeah, more on that later.

And that…isallshewrote.

xxx

We're goin' camping we're on our waaaaayyyyy!!!

Josh and Erica building some pancakes (Make sure your health insurance is up to date!)

We spent loads of time on the dock (as always). (That's me on the bottom!)

And, uh.... Matt sleeping...I guess... After a night of staying up ALL NIGHT. I kid you not.