Holy crap!!
I just experienced THE MOST AMAZING weekend of my life.
It was... soo good.
Hanging out with awesome friends.
No awkward lugbuggyness.
outdoors by water.
SWIMMING!!
Taking sweetly shmegged-up photographs.
Meeting the demands of the canoe trip from a not-fun place.
And most wonderful of all... WHITE STRIPESSSSS CONCERT!!!!
The beautiful and talented white stripes who ROCK LIVE!!
Liquid sleep.
Feeling strong and confident in a crowd of stupid people.
Blind driving.
Midnight discussions about feelings and how it's ok to feel them.
And now... sleep.
I. Love. Everything.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
i'll be right beside you dear
Good grief.
I love how my brain shuts down every time I try to talk to Ryan.
EVERY FREAKING TIME!!!
I go into flaming retard mode the second we start having a conversation. It’s bleeding horrible.
I can’t describe anything, all ability to talk in complete sentences is gone, I have this intense need to agree with everything and avoid conflict at all costs (which is how I operate anyway…). IT’S HORRIBLE!!
I hope I can keep it together when we actually are around each other in person. If strawberry festival is anything to go by, then it doesn’t look good.
BAAHHH!! He troubles me to no end.
I was so excited about talking to him tonight, and then the second he comes on the phone it’s all “Oh, ahhh, ummm….” And other sundry nonsense. I HATE IT!!
Ok I guess it’s time to stop beating myself up… now.
I don’t get it at all. It’s like I can’t be normal around him. It’s physically impossible to even make sense. Even now when I’m not talking to him I’m having a hard time thinking coherently.
It’s either that or the fact that it’s midnight and I’m running on maybe… 6 ½ hours of sleep… yeah I’m gonna blame it on that. Good idea.
In summary:
Went on the date with Ben. It was interesting and ended well (and by ended well I mean we’re just friends… or so I think)
Had a sweet weekend hanging out with matt n Colby and sarah and the gang. Colby’s coming to White Stripes with us next weekend. Yay!
Oh MAN I need sleep so I can be coherent again. I miss being smart.
I guess Ryan’s hair is purple-y blue now. Typical. Freakin’ raver.
*drool*
Goodnight!
<33
I love how my brain shuts down every time I try to talk to Ryan.
EVERY FREAKING TIME!!!
I go into flaming retard mode the second we start having a conversation. It’s bleeding horrible.
I can’t describe anything, all ability to talk in complete sentences is gone, I have this intense need to agree with everything and avoid conflict at all costs (which is how I operate anyway…). IT’S HORRIBLE!!
I hope I can keep it together when we actually are around each other in person. If strawberry festival is anything to go by, then it doesn’t look good.
BAAHHH!! He troubles me to no end.
I was so excited about talking to him tonight, and then the second he comes on the phone it’s all “Oh, ahhh, ummm….” And other sundry nonsense. I HATE IT!!
Ok I guess it’s time to stop beating myself up… now.
I don’t get it at all. It’s like I can’t be normal around him. It’s physically impossible to even make sense. Even now when I’m not talking to him I’m having a hard time thinking coherently.
It’s either that or the fact that it’s midnight and I’m running on maybe… 6 ½ hours of sleep… yeah I’m gonna blame it on that. Good idea.
In summary:
Went on the date with Ben. It was interesting and ended well (and by ended well I mean we’re just friends… or so I think)
Had a sweet weekend hanging out with matt n Colby and sarah and the gang. Colby’s coming to White Stripes with us next weekend. Yay!
Oh MAN I need sleep so I can be coherent again. I miss being smart.
I guess Ryan’s hair is purple-y blue now. Typical. Freakin’ raver.
*drool*
Goodnight!
<33
Saturday, July 07, 2007
it's the feeling I get, my palms with sweat, like some kind of daydream I'll never forget
Shit!
Auuugggghhhh the most awkwardest thing happened just now….
Shhhiiiiiittttttt!!!
*hyperventilation* Ok…ok… all better…
Fricken’ A, this always happens to me.
And I don’t want to talk about it.
BITCH!!
Ok… I completely forgot what it was I wanted to write about.
Oh right, I’m going on a date with Ben. We were supposed to be going to see Ratatouille Saturday night, but because the showings after sunset were so late we decided to just go Thursday afternoon. I never really thought I would be going on a date with him, but surprise, surprise. I’m not really sure if I like him or if I confused liking him with just being in total awe and admiration of his intense geekiness. Hard to tell.
Still really don’t want a boyfriend right now. But this seems harmless.
It’s so weird… he always seemed so business-like. I think I must have had the vibes going a little strong. Maybe? I don’t know.
I’m just really, really hoping things don’t end badly.
And three cheers for Ex (otherwise known as Excedrin.) Ex is just such a cooler word for it.
I think since I’m outta cool new things to talk about that…*sigh*… I’m ready to talk about awkward new things instead. Or what happened earlier this post.
K well talked to Ryan on the 4th/5th (yeah it was super late) and I told him about my first kiss, and he explained to me why it wasn’t really my first kiss. I guess that since I didn’t really feel affected by it at all, that all it really was was a lip touch. (Or, as he called it, a brother sister kiss, which is NOT how I like to think about it. At all)
ANYWAYS, he went on to describe (in unnecessary detail I might add) his “first” kissing experience and how intense it was. It was a good story and he got really worked up. We went on to talk about other things obviously, but when I got off the phone I was all bummed out. I guess it was because it took me so long to get this lip touch that it made me wonder if I’d ever have a serious kiss any time soon. He said something about waiting until my wedding day, buuuttt…. Hopefully I’m not that undesirable.
So then I IMed him this afternoon and told him I was bummed out by our conversation and he’s like “You can call me if you wanna talk about it” and I said “K well I’ll call you later.” So I texted him like an hour ago to see if he could talk and he didn’t answer. I thought about it and thought about it and decided to just go ahead and call him. What was the worst that could happen?
I obviously didn’t see THIS coming…
So after about five false starts I finally dialed his whole number without hanging up. It rang and rang and rang and I was praying “Pleeeeease let his answering machine pick up” (I was worried that he’d be asleep and I’d wake him) And then, just as I was about to hang up, he answers and in like one breath he goes “Hey Amanda, sorry I can’t talk I’m getting my car towed, feel good about yourself, I’ll talk to you later.” And I manage to stammer out “Ok bye” somewhere in there. And I’m 110% positive that there were other people there.
I know it doesn’t sound like much but trust me… IT WAS PURE MORTIFICATION.
SHIT! Why do I never listen to that little, nagging voice in my head? It’s there FOR A REALLY GOOD REASON!
K, well, there’s my sad story. I hope someone still loves me.
Oh wait, someone does.
And that someone would be Ben.
HAAAAAAH.
‘Night loves.
Auuugggghhhh the most awkwardest thing happened just now….
Shhhiiiiiittttttt!!!
*hyperventilation* Ok…ok… all better…
Fricken’ A, this always happens to me.
And I don’t want to talk about it.
BITCH!!
Ok… I completely forgot what it was I wanted to write about.
Oh right, I’m going on a date with Ben. We were supposed to be going to see Ratatouille Saturday night, but because the showings after sunset were so late we decided to just go Thursday afternoon. I never really thought I would be going on a date with him, but surprise, surprise. I’m not really sure if I like him or if I confused liking him with just being in total awe and admiration of his intense geekiness. Hard to tell.
Still really don’t want a boyfriend right now. But this seems harmless.
It’s so weird… he always seemed so business-like. I think I must have had the vibes going a little strong. Maybe? I don’t know.
I’m just really, really hoping things don’t end badly.
And three cheers for Ex (otherwise known as Excedrin.) Ex is just such a cooler word for it.
I think since I’m outta cool new things to talk about that…*sigh*… I’m ready to talk about awkward new things instead. Or what happened earlier this post.
K well talked to Ryan on the 4th/5th (yeah it was super late) and I told him about my first kiss, and he explained to me why it wasn’t really my first kiss. I guess that since I didn’t really feel affected by it at all, that all it really was was a lip touch. (Or, as he called it, a brother sister kiss, which is NOT how I like to think about it. At all)
ANYWAYS, he went on to describe (in unnecessary detail I might add) his “first” kissing experience and how intense it was. It was a good story and he got really worked up. We went on to talk about other things obviously, but when I got off the phone I was all bummed out. I guess it was because it took me so long to get this lip touch that it made me wonder if I’d ever have a serious kiss any time soon. He said something about waiting until my wedding day, buuuttt…. Hopefully I’m not that undesirable.
So then I IMed him this afternoon and told him I was bummed out by our conversation and he’s like “You can call me if you wanna talk about it” and I said “K well I’ll call you later.” So I texted him like an hour ago to see if he could talk and he didn’t answer. I thought about it and thought about it and decided to just go ahead and call him. What was the worst that could happen?
I obviously didn’t see THIS coming…
So after about five false starts I finally dialed his whole number without hanging up. It rang and rang and rang and I was praying “Pleeeeease let his answering machine pick up” (I was worried that he’d be asleep and I’d wake him) And then, just as I was about to hang up, he answers and in like one breath he goes “Hey Amanda, sorry I can’t talk I’m getting my car towed, feel good about yourself, I’ll talk to you later.” And I manage to stammer out “Ok bye” somewhere in there. And I’m 110% positive that there were other people there.
I know it doesn’t sound like much but trust me… IT WAS PURE MORTIFICATION.
SHIT! Why do I never listen to that little, nagging voice in my head? It’s there FOR A REALLY GOOD REASON!
K, well, there’s my sad story. I hope someone still loves me.
Oh wait, someone does.
And that someone would be Ben.
HAAAAAAH.
‘Night loves.
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