Ohhhh jeez.
12:30. Just sitting here, listening to.... Anna Nalick, which should really say everything. That's pretty much all I listened to during the Mike mishap. Sooo... emo. Hardcore.
I am kind of worried. I feel like I might be getting a tad too attached to... someone. And that is SOO not the plan. Because essentially, there is no plan. And I have to be happy with that. I am happy with that. I just can't keep from getting all anxious when I don't talk to him for a while. And when it's harder and harder to keep up a conversation. I hate when that happens. I don't want to force anything, but I don't want everything to just kind of fade away.
It won't. I think that time of the month is fast approaching. That's basically the only answer I have for this mood that's kind of been hovering for the past couple days. That and probably Josh's visit.
Dammit! She was cool! Like, not SUPER cool, but a lot cooler than I expected. And I mean I'm glad in a way that Josh isn't attracted to a not-cool person. But you wanna know what sucks? Hard?
HE FUCKING KNOWS. That was definitely not supposed to EVER happen.
Of course I don't know how I thought he wouldn't find out, what with me telling Sarah who told his parents (hahah Debbie was all for it. She thought I should have told him.) I guess Patrick mentioned something to him and Josh just kind of deduced for himself. And Sarah verified of course.
Tragic really. Really.
I mean I don't really know what it was I expected. I mean seriously, if he did have feelings left for me, he's not going to dump his girlfriend of like, what, three years? I think I gave him way too much of a cold shoulder back when he did like me for there to be anything left now. Whatever. If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Maybe she IS the one for him, I don't freakin' know.
Another thing I don't freakin' know is why I'm up still. I had such a crazy day today! Thursdays are always busy, but today was just nonstop GO. Every second I wasn't eating or in class I was doing work that.... well probably should have been done already. But everything got finished and turned in on time, and I made it to an EXTRA convo AND a worship. I even led out in an impromptu song service at Bible Boot Camp! (aka worship) Then went to Taco Bell. Then just some chill time. And now I'm up bitching to my blog when I should be asleep. I am actually really tired, but I sort of wanted to talk to Donnie before bed. UGH! I hate this!! I always thought I'd like having someone like Donnie in my life... like a weird sort of pseudo boyfriend. I think if I had more of them then it wouldn't be quite so odd. But... I don't really. Unless you count Justin, and we don't hang out nearly enough for him to count. I don't know how Donnie is a pseudo boyfriend actually. Maybe it's coz... yea I guess we aren't.
I guess I'm just having a hard time dealing. I mean I'm not, but I am. Like if we don't talk for a while... like now.... I get all antsy. That's bad. That's the whole reason I'm not dating.
Well, this is bullshit. I'm going to sleep. I am SO not staying up until 2:30 to talk to this kid. Freakin'.... bad for my complexion.
I'm sick of all this boy angst I have. Why can't they just do what I want them to do??? WHY CAN'T I CALM DOWN!!!???
Yay for rhetoric.
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