quit kicking me under the table

Oh geez...

I really wish ehren would go online right now. I need someone to talk to about... things.

I don't know I've just been really unsettled about Michael for quite a while now and it's feeling like I need to either piss or get off the pot.

I talked to Mum about it some, and that was helpful. She's all "Oh two months isn't that long, you guys are just kids." And it's like..... ummm..... NO. She really does understand me better where this sort of thing is concerned. She and Sarah actually get it which is nice.

I hate it that I can't just be happy. Michael is probably the nicest, most sincere person I've ever met, and he's good looking too and smart and everything, and I'm here wondering if I should break up with him. I guess a big part of the reason for my wondering is because I don't really think I'm the kind of person he would be happy with. I mean maybe he'd be temporarily happy, but not in the long run.

And I also hate that I'm even THINKING about the long run. I shouldn't have to at all. Kind of ruins the fun of it. A lot.

I just feel like we'd make better friends. And that maybe we weren't really good enough friends in the first place. I know how people say that dating your friends is a bad idea, but I pretty much think that's a load of crap. I mean, sure it sucks to lose a friend, but if it gets to the point where you feel like dating the person then the new phase of the relationship you're entering is probably something you're pretty sure will work out.

I dunno.

I don't want to hurt him is all. He doesn't deserve to be hurt.

Most of the resason that this has all kind of come to a head is because when I was talking to him on Messenger and he goes "P.S. I love you." (How cliche is that?? Tres.) So I go "I <3 You too" after an extremely long pause. It felt really lame but I didn't want to say stuff that I didn't mean and "I love you" would not be a truthful statement for me. I am in great dislike of those who throw the L word around. Great. Dislike.

I was hoping that some blog therapy would help me maybe decide what to do. But no. But.... I'm too tired to care at this point.

Shine on you crazy diamonds.