she goes down like the setting sun

Well, here I am.

12... almost 1 on a Sunday morning/saturday night. Supposed to be reading for philosophy, but... yeah I start being stupid around 11 usually, so smartnesswise, it's all downhill from that point on.

Yep... haven't called Ryan. I am so freaking scared to though... I don't know why. I really want to call him and whatever, but I can't! There's some sort of barrier, I don't know what it is, maybe it has something to do with the time I tried to call him and it ended in a big clump of awkward.

I don' t knoooooowww!! It's all so frusturating.

Sort of got asked to vespers by Michael. Yeah idk, it was kind of wierd. He texted me and told me to tell Jen he "bought the hats" (hahah he bought these two hats that look like the one that South African dance instructor has... pretty sure he's michaels's hero.) So I was like "way to talk to Jen through me." Then he was all "I'm sorry! Do you want to go to vespers with me?" I think he used the word "escort" but... that word wierds me out. So I was like "Yes but can we bring Jen?" It was supposed to be funny, but he didn't really get it which kind of dissappointed us.

So ANYWAY, we went to Vespers and ran into Chris, so Jen and I promptly started giving each other a hard time about the boys... pretty funny. She SAYS she doesn't like Chris, but... yeah I don't know, she probably doesn't. I think he likes her though and they're always talking about me and Michael.

I don't know if I want to go out with him now/later/ever or what. He's really cool and I've kind of had a crush on him for a while, but I kind of like all of us hanging out. At least for now. I dunno, I think I get slightly wierded out by guys being all proper and shit. Is that bad? It might be. Guys holding doors open makes me uncomfortable kind of. Well not necessarily them holding open doors, but that kind of thing. I guess I just don't like being fawned over too much. Like once in a while is nice, but a steady diet and it stops meaning as much.

I think I'm just really immature.

And I think I want to call ryan right now. But I'm not going to. But I should. Because I think he's still up. But I don't KNOW that, so I'm not going to. But I'll call him tomorrow before the thing.

yeah there's some symphony orchestra thing going on at 7 somehting tomorrow that Michael asked me to go to. I'm thinking about it if I'm not still swamped with homework. I like going to musical events. Especially when there's convo credit and acne infested band geeks who love the office as much as I do involved :]

I miss talking to Ryan.

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