Woe is me! Woe betide me!

Wow I'm really sad right now. But honestly what is new?

Alright, well time to talk about that other part of my life.

I have a huge crush on this guy from my school who shall henceforward be refered to as... um ... HIM for lack of a better name. I've liked him for pretty much the whole school year and frankly it's getting nowhere. There are a couple of reasons for this. One, I’m pretty shy and I suppose he is too (to an extent). Two, there are a lot of girls (so I’m told) who like him and quite honestly listing this crap is making me feel not so un-ill.

Let’s just say for sanity’s sake there are a lot of reasons I’m not at this time going out with said him.

At first it seemed like things were going pretty well. But it’s all sorta either going downhill or has reached a sort of proverbial plateau. And I can’t honestly say I’m very happy at this point in time. He seems to be talking to me less and less and the more I think about it the less I think he likes me which makes for a very distressed me. But what the hell do I know?

I was just talking to him on IM and that used to go pretty well, like I’d talk to him for a long time and things would just kinda come out but now it’s not like that. I have to really think of something to say, and that’s kind of a pain cuz I’m beginning to realize I don’t even know him that well and I really don’t know how to go about knowing him. He’s so mysterious and… troubled I guess you’d say. I think he likes one of my friends (a lot) but I don’t really know. I don’t really know much I’m coming to realize. Like I’ll try to keep some sort of conversation going, but I don’t know what to say. I want to be interesting but I don’t really know what I could say that would interest him.

But he’s soo hot and deep down he’s really smart and he actually takes time to think about stuff, he’s really deep. Scary deep almost. I wish I could talk to him about that sort of thing, but I’d probably sound stupid. He tends to be a little way out there. Some of the stuff makes sense, most of it, but some of it’s just like… I don’t know how to explain it.

I just wish I knew what he thinks of me and whether or not I should spend so much time worrying about it. Josh says I should just tell him I like him, and I kind of am still considering that but I would rather go on like this than screw it up entirely. I don’t know.

Welp, that’s all I gotta say about that for now. If anyone reads this and thinks they can give me some advise, by all means advise away.

I guess we’re staying at nana’s tomorrow night. Superrrrr.

I love ranting. So stress relieving.

Nighty night

XX